Does Your Child Need Help?

Reprint of an information pamphlet developed by Parents Involved Network with acknowledgments. It was developed to help families tell the difference between everyday problems and those that may signal more serious distress.

Does My Child Need Help?

It would be nice if childhood were a happy time, free of troubles or cares. Yet, as you know from your own childhood or from raising your children, growing up brings with it a mixture of triumph and failure, pleasure and pain, conflict and resolution. However much you may wish to shield your children from emotional upset, they will inevitably undergo hard times. Indeed, such periods are often a necessary and important part of growing up.

Temper tantrums, nightmares, irrational fears, fights with brothers and sisters, rebelling against parents — all are considered a normal part of childhood development. Such problems are usually fairly short-lived and normally can be expected to be resolved as a result of the child's growth and parents' support or discipline. However, some problems don't disappear even after a long time, and others are upsetting by their very nature to both parents and children. This may be an indication of deeper distress.

General Guidelines

To help you determine whether your child's problems are serious enough for you to seek professional help, look at these factors:

• Your child's age
• How long the problem has gone on.
• The kind of problems your child is having.

Age of the Child

Experience has taught parents and people who work with children that, at certain ages, children typically struggle with certain behavioral or emotional difficulties. For example, it would not be uncommon for your two-year-old to become upset by even a brief separation from you, or for your four-year-old to get into frequent squabbles when he or she tries to play with other children. Check the Developmental Tasks for Young Children Chart for a more comprehensive checklist.

On the other hand, it would not be considered normal if your seven-year-old cries uncontrollably when separated from you, or if your twelve-year-old doesn't have any friends because he or she constantly gets into arguments with his playmates.

Duration of the Problem

If your child has had a problem for a relatively long time, and he or she and you have not been able to resolve or ease the difficulty, then you should be more concerned than if the problem has just begun.

For example, if your youngster who previously was a good student, receives some failing grades at the beginning of junior high school, you might reasonably decide that he or she is having some trouble adjusting to a new school situation. However, if he or she continues to get failing grades through the year, you would know that he or she is having a more serious problem. Similarly, you would probably not be overly concerned if your youngster becomes moody or depressed for a period of a few days. Your concern should grow if the depression continues over a longer period of time.

One Exception

If your child's behavior is drastically different from his or her "normal" behavior, this should alert you that there may be a serious problem. Talk with Your Child.

Nature of the Problem

Some problems, because of their very nature, are of only minor concern to parents, even when they continue over a long period of time. Nail biting or thumb sucking, for example, are rarely reasons for parents to seek outside help unless parents feel that there is "more going on."

Seek help for problems that are interfering with your child's daily life. For example, a behavior or habit that is so severe that it overwhelms a child's ability to play and cope with everyday life is one that should be taken seriously.

Often one child's behavior effects the other members of the family in a negative way. When a parent feels that a child's problems are causing feelings of anger or helplessness, or if the problems seem to be the cause of arguments between parents, then it's time to seek professional help.

Problems also need to be considered in light of what else may be happening in the child's life. Parents should remember that so-called "normal" children also show distressing behaviors, especially when under stress themselves or reacting to stressful events. For example, it should not surprise you if your five-year-old begins to wet his bed after a family move or after the birth of a brother or sister. However, such bed-wetting should be of more concern if it begins without any obvious reason.

Next: Age-Specific Warning Signs >>